So Close

Last night I was hanging out with Cyrus and Eisley while Breena was with friends, and the kids and I were down in the basement playing. Breena's old megaphone from her cheerleading days was down there, and I started talking into it. Cyrus and Eisley thought it was the most hilarious thing ever! Cyrus was sticking his head right into the end of it and I would say, "Cyrus!" He laughed so hard, and then he said, "So loud. Why?" Why was it so loud? That's hard to explain to a 2 year old, so I just said, "physics." "Oh," he said, "physcuits." Yeah. Physcuits.

24 Reasons I Love 24

So I just watched 24: Redemption. I love 24, and I don't care who knows it. I am fully aware of all the criticism of the show, and I agree with a lot of it. But it's a sort of guilty pleasure. It's not like Lost, where you can tell people you're a fan and feel intellectually superior to them. It's pretty much the opposite of that. But I don't really care. So, in celebration of 24: Redemption and the start of the new season in January, here is my list of 24 reasons I love 24.

24. It's shot in "real time." If that much crap happened to me in one day my circulatory system would turn inside out.

23. Jack Bauer makes carrying a manbag look totally awesome, and he's probably got lots of guns in there.

22. You're never completely dead, even after you've died.

21. No matter how many dudes Jack kills, there's always more dudes to kill.

20. Multiscreen. Yes!

19. No matter how much amazing technology is available to him, Jack can still use everyday household objects for torture. He's like an evil Macguyver.

18. It's educational. I now know that I can vampire bite a terrorist to death, or snap somebody's neck with the back of my knee. How have I gotten this far in life without this knowledge?

17. Chloe O'Brien. At first, I wanted her to die, but now I can't imagine the show without her.

16. Plot twists that somehow all work out in the end. At least, I think they do.

15. Okay, so they pretty much kill off anyone that presents a plot problem or loose end.

14. Jack Bauer is the archetypal tragic hero. How can you like this guy? How can you hate him? If you like him, then your conscience reminds you that he's killed over 200 dudes. If you hate him, you inevitably realize that somebody has to do the dirty work.

13. Mass destruction in L.A. Sorry, I'm just bitter because I live in flyover country.

12. Satellite technology. Is there anything they can't see?

11. Sex leads to death. Trust me. If any character has sex at any point during the show, they will surely die. Especially if that sex is with a terrorist posing as a prostitute.

10. The assumption that people eat meals and go to the bathroom during commercial breaks. Why waste time on reality?

9. Everyone's got secrets. I wish I could see the way my friends looked back at me as I was walking away. Then I could tell whether they respected me or were hiding some insidious secret that would compromise CTU.

8. The threat of thermonuclear war. Seriously, can you imagine this show in the '80s? The DEFCON level would have to be raised whenever it aired.

7. Money is no object. Just like going to the bathroom, eating, drinking, or killing. 

6. It's the manliest show on television, with the possible exceptions of Dirty Jobs and Project Runway. Wait, I mean...

5. Liberals hate it. Whenever I'm faced with a difficult choice in life, I always ask, "Would liberals hate this?" And if they do, I pretty much follow through on that.

4. Jack Bauer always gets his man. And after he gets his man, he takes his gun. And after he gets his man's gun, he goes and kills like twelve more dudes.

3. Everybody who wears a suit dies. Hence, I refuse to wear suits. Especially pantsuits.

2. White chicks are the worst kind of terrorist and should never be trusted.

1. UN Peacekeepers are revealed for who they really are--compromising, spineless pants pee-ers.

42-7

All season long I've been waiting for that dominant OSU performance, and I finally got it, against Michigan no less! This was the most lopsided OSU-UM game of my lifetime, and the fifth win in a row for the Buckeyes. This has been a terrible year for Michigan, and you might say that the victory means less because they're so bad, but not for me. Not after what I went through in the '90s. Not after the heartache. Not after the constant disappointment. I want to beat this team every year as bad as we possibly can. I want to humiliate them. I want to even that series record in the minimum number of years possible. I'm talking 15 straight victories, baby! O-H!

Whaa?!?!?!

HOLY CRAP I'M IN THIS VIDEO!

Check out the guy at about 1:00 staring off into space. It's me!


Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

Note to Self

Invent time machine. Travel back to the '70s. Acquire typewriter. Write screenplay. Make film. Reap all the benefits.

Thoughts on the Election

I'm not particularly excited that Obama won the election. I don't share his perspective on many issues, and I'm not that confident that he'll be the great leader that so many are hoping and expecting he'll be. It is probably unfair, actually, to put that much hope in one person. But, this is politics...

One thing I have been convicted of, however, is that I need to support him. I need to respect him and the office he holds. I need to submit to his leadership and not slander him. I need to obey and not rebel, because God has established him as our president. This is what Romans 13 teaches me.

1Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. 2Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. 3For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and he will commend you. 4For he is God's servant to do you good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing. He is God's servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. 5Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience. 6This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God's servants, who give their full time to governing. 7Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.

I don't want to treat Obama the way that so many have treated Bush for so long, including some very committed Christians who ought to know better. The incendiary and vitriolic hyperbole leveled at George W. Bush by my brothers and sisters in Christ is sin, and I don't want to participate in that sin, even though I disagree with my president-elect on so many issues. I want to learn what it means to submit to authority, even when I don't agree with it. I want to be humbled and submissive. And I think this may be the best way to stand up for Jesus in divisive times like these (1 Timothy 2).

1I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone— 2for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. 3This is good, and pleases God our Savior, 4who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. 

Would I be saying all this if McCain had won? Probably not. So I'm all the more grateful that Obama won, because now I am more keenly aware of my sin. Now I have a tangible opportunity to pursue godliness and Christlikeness. If "my candidate" had won, where would be the difficulty of submission? I wouldn't even have thought about it. 

Does this make me a small person? Yes, I believe it does. Does it make me susceptible to the sarcastic blades of cynics? Of course it does. But I suppose that's the price to pay of having your eyes opened to your own wretchedness. And if the shoe fits, I gladly wear it, knowing that someday God will cause my foot to grow.

Help me, Jesus, to pray for President Barack Obama, and for my senators and representative. Help me to live a peaceful and quiet life in all godliness and holiness. Help me not to be a jerk about politics, religion, or even sports, because I know how much of a jerk and how opinionated I can be. I know that you can transform this jerk into a humble, peaceful man. I surrender, Lord Jesus. Amen.

I Also Teach Sunday School

Oh Stephen Colbert, you are amazing!