Sunday, November 23, 2008

24 Reasons I Love 24

So I just watched 24: Redemption. I love 24, and I don't care who knows it. I am fully aware of all the criticism of the show, and I agree with a lot of it. But it's a sort of guilty pleasure. It's not like Lost, where you can tell people you're a fan and feel intellectually superior to them. It's pretty much the opposite of that. But I don't really care. So, in celebration of 24: Redemption and the start of the new season in January, here is my list of 24 reasons I love 24.

24. It's shot in "real time." If that much crap happened to me in one day my circulatory system would turn inside out.
23. Jack Bauer makes carrying a manbag look totally awesome, and he's probably got lots of guns in there.
22. You're never completely dead, even after you've died.
21. No matter how many dudes Jack kills, there's always more dudes to kill.
20. Multiscreen. Yes!
19. No matter how much amazing technology is available to him, Jack can still use everyday household objects for torture. He's like an evil Macguyver.
18. It's educational. I now know that I can vampire bite a terrorist to death, or snap somebody's neck with the back of my knee. How have I gotten this far in life without this knowledge?
17. Chloe O'Brien. At first, I wanted her to die, but now I can't imagine the show without her.
16. Plot twists that somehow all work out in the end. At least, I think they do.
15. Okay, so they pretty much kill off anyone that presents a plot problem or loose end.
14. Jack Bauer is the archetypal tragic hero. How can you like this guy? How can you hate him? If you like him, then your conscience reminds you that he's killed over 200 dudes. If you hate him, you inevitably realize that somebody has to do the dirty work.
13. Mass destruction in L.A. Sorry, I'm just bitter because I live in flyover country.
12. Satellite technology. Is there anything they can't see?
11. Sex leads to death. Trust me. If any character has sex at any point during the show, they will surely die. Especially if that sex is with a terrorist posing as a prostitute.
10. The assumption that people eat meals and go to the bathroom during commercial breaks. Why waste time on reality?
9. Everyone's got secrets. I wish I could see the way my friends looked back at me as I was walking away. Then I could tell whether they respected me or were hiding some insidious secret that would compromise CTU.
8. The threat of thermonuclear war. Seriously, can you imagine this show in the '80s? The DEFCON level would have to be raised whenever it aired.
7. Money is no object. Just like going to the bathroom, eating, drinking, or killing. 
6. It's the manliest show on television, with the possible exceptions of Dirty Jobs and Project Runway. Wait, I mean...
5. Liberals hate it. Whenever I'm faced with a difficult choice in life, I always ask, "Would liberals hate this?" And if they do, I pretty much follow through on that.
4. Jack Bauer always gets his man. And after he gets his man, he takes his gun. And after he gets his man's gun, he goes and kills like twelve more dudes.
3. Everybody who wears a suit dies. Hence, I refuse to wear suits. Especially pantsuits.
2. White chicks are the worst kind of terrorist and should never be trusted.
1. UN Peacekeepers are revealed for who they really are--compromising, spineless pants pee-ers.

1 comment:

Rachel Lake said...

That was hilarious. I laughed out loud. Really! I LOLed.