For millennia human beings have been divided over core existential and philosophical issues such as fate vs. free will, the nature of the soul, and what happens after we die. Brilliant minds have written and argued for all sides of these issues throughout history, and humanity has still not arrived at a consensus on nearly all of the most basic questions of life. All of that, according to one local blogger, is about to change.
Andrew Holt updates his blog between zero and five times each week. His posts, which many readers describe as "rambling" and "a generally incoherent stream of consciousness", are often related to the deepest questions of existence in some loose, indirect way.
"I don't want to say that I've answered some of these big questions of life," explained Mr. Holt, "but I will say that I've arrived at a framework by which we can better ask those questions." Mr. Holt paused for dramatic effect, then went on, "Have you read my blog?"
Witnesses have reported seeing a smug look of self-satisfaction on Mr. Holt's face after publishing a post to his blog. "That should end that debate," he has been heard muttering quietly to no one in particular. Local opinion coming from Mr. Holt's home is that if everyone would just freaking read his blog we wouldn't have so many pointless arguments anymore and we could get on to the business of working together to change the world.
National blogging expert, Dr. Leonard Littlejohn, has seen cases like Mr. Holt's before. "I've never heard of this guy," he told reporters, "but he sounds pretty much like everybody who has ever started a blog. Delusional. Narcissistic. Does he use his Facebook and Twitter accounts primarily to promote his blog? ...Yeah, his is a classic case. I've posted dozens of articles about these people on my online journal. Did I give you that web address yet?"
Friends have reported that, when trying to feign appreciation for some drivel that he's written, Mr. Holt would casually sidestep the insincere compliment by saying, "Really? Did I write that? Huh. I don't even remember that. Well I'm glad somebody reads my blog!"
At press time, Mr. Holt was seen staring blankly into space, possibly considering what deep issue of humanity he would futilely attempt to answer next.