One of the questions that a leader ought to ask him or herself, Craig claims, is, "What is God trying to show me through my limitations?" This, of course, assumes that the leader is familiar with his or her limitations. Do you know what your limitations are? Do I? I have several limitations that immediately come to mind.
I am helpless in a group of people with whom I am unfamiliar. Put me in a crowd of people that I don't know, and, like water, I will immediately flow to the lowest point, or nearest corner/wall. Despite the biblical mandate that every good Christian leader feels most at home in a group of people he or she doesn't know, I just can't seem to deal with this excruciatingly uncomfortable situation. (Yes, you did detect a hint of sarcasm in that last sentence.) Now, if you put me in front of that same group of people, particularly to preach the Word of God, I am completely at home. I can say anything from the pulpit, but I can't seem to find words before or after the service. For an aspiring pastor, this is a serious limitation.
I am naturally passive. I am not a self-starter. I am not a go-getter. I am not high-energy. In fact, I can't think of a single hyphenated adjectival phrase that applies to me. (Maybe, stick-in-the-mud, or, finely-bearded.) I am not a man of action, a fact which shames me to my core. Again, for someone who wants to be a pastor, particularly a church-planter, this may well signal the death-knell of such dreams. Perhaps this is why I abandoned the church I felt God called me to plant.
I do not have a big heart. I do not love others well. People don't feel great about themselves after talking to me. In fact, I have to try very hard not to ask questions about someone else's life. I tend to be far more interested in what I'm doing than in what you're doing--and when you talk to me, you can probably tell. Of all my limitations, this is the greatest character deficiency, and the one that most disqualifies me for the ministry.
So, what is God trying to show me through my limitations? (Believe me, there are more, but this post would have gotten insanely long had I continued--not to mention what would have happened to my emotional state.) I can't even begin to answer that question until I have prayed and meditated. What I can say is that my gifts and sense of calling seem to qualify me for ministry, while my limitations and character deficiencies seem to disqualify me. Perhaps this is a common experience.
I believe that God has given me a mind (and heart) for Scripture and theology. I believe he has also given me the ability to preach and, primarily through preaching, to lead. But why has he given me such overwhelming limitations? Why does my character not match my gifting? And what is he trying to show me through this?
This, in a strong way, has been my core question for the past two years. Why am I so limited? Why is my character so lacking? The answer, I believe, is not simple. Which is why I continue to ask the question. Or rather, why God continues to press the question on me.
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